THE BLACKBIRD'S WARNING

The theme running throughout these updates to My Twilight Months is the beauty of the end of the day, a time of reflection and gratitude for what the day, and in my case, my life has brought me. My first article, My Sunset told of the realisation that my sun was setting. In this, The Blackbird's Warning, my life coping with cancer takes on a new and more disturbing discovery.

If I’m honest I have to admit to being very disappointed with my latest CT scan. Things had been going remarkably well, with only the onset of greater fatigue slowing my pace and noticeably shortening my breath on hills.

Yes, twelve months down the track from noticing the first lump just inside the collar bone and getting the news that the choroidal melanoma, my primary cancer in the right eye, had metastasised to ten secondary tumours throughout the body, I am still able to walk the dogs a kilometre every morning and night.

And I feel sure I have kept my vital organs almost disease free with daily doses of colloidal silver*. The only challenge, I thought, was keeping up with the demanding appetite of the aggressive cancer cells, which would otherwise cause weight loss and mal-nutrition; I seemed to have this in hand as well, holding my weight at a slightly skinny 72.5 kgs on a 1.836m skeleton.

But what I didn’t want to hear is the news that a 1cm tumour had become visible on the scans inside the right brain in just the last six months. As the beauty of my sunset fades the blackbird’s nervous warning could disrupt the peacefulness, but I won’t let it.

When you consider my cancer specialist could only reliably promise me three more months of life in June ’07, I have been so thankful for the extra eight, very special months of living I have enjoyed so far. With the realisation of an early demise I have taken every opportunity offered to indulge my passions for motor sport, flying and travel, all gifted to us by very good friends and family.

I simply felt that elsewhere in the body I was more easily able to cope, but in the brain, well that has the potential for so many unthinkable symptoms. But I can’t afford to get into fear, so I won’t go down that track because a peaceful night’s sleep is the most important consideration of all.

Just live one day at a time, I tell myself, and in that way I can keep my positive outlook and try to put more emphasis, than I have ever been used to, into enjoying everything and everyone around me.

Thankfully I have no symptoms at present; the scan was a routine follow-up and not the result of any problems I was experiencing. But I do need to look out for difficulties in dressing (the imagination runs wild there!), walking and visual impairment in the one eye that still provides excellent vision.

I now estimate I have well over 50 tumours** in the body and for this reason my Hospice doctor has recommended against considering neurosurgery as an option. Its invasive nature increases risk of infection and adverse reaction from those organs, the left lung in particular, already trying to cope with attached tumours. So now I am looking forward to seeing the radiologist for further discussions on the best direction to take.

APPENDIX:
* I have been taking an egg-cupful 30mls of colloidal silver morning and night. Colloidal silver is produced by electrolysis via two silver rods suspended in pure water. It is an ancient alternative medicine known as an extremely effective antibiotic. I first took it to try to clear up the 16cms mass of dead tissue and toxins in my liver. The toxins are produced by dying cancer cells. Because the liver was only functioning at half strength, my body had half the energy and a large part of my food was being wasted. I feel the colloidal silver went a long way to correcting that, with a noticeable return of energy for at least six months. My skin colour and complexion also improved, which is interesting in itself, because in old times the English aristocracy got their nick-names ‘Bluebloods’ from the fact they were the only ones who could afford silver cutlery and combined with regular doses of colloidal silver for good health their skin turned a silvery blue!

** I now have 17 tumours protruding through the skin; a year ago I had two that were visible, but the scan showed 10 in total throughout the body. I am therefore assuming, rather unscientifically, that there must be a total well exceeding 50 tumours.