Sunset is the most beautiful, spirit filled moment signalling closure. It is the first chapter of 'My Twilight Months' as it was the first sign of the closing of what I regard as a magnificent life.From here on, hopefully, I will be able to detail my journey striving to cope with terminal cancer.
I have been inspired to start this blog because I am in awe of the additional time, blessings and answers to prayer that I have received since the first diagnosis of secondary melanoma last year.
To give you some background, here is my story published in our local daily paper in August 2007
On 18th June 2007 I was told I was suffering the late stages of an aggressive cancer. This is my personal account of dealing with the news none of us wants to hear.
“You need to get your affairs in order”
By Andrew Fry
I felt myself reel, this was not the advice I’d expected. Despite understanding the likely scenario, I suddenly felt winded by the surgeon’s words.
Then the faintest relief dawned on me. The specialist had told me chemotherapy was rarely effective against secondary melanoma, so I wasn’t going to suffer the nausea and desperation of sitting through the regular transfusions. I had expected surgery, but with ten tumours around my body, surgery would be too invasive, with little chance of arresting the rampant rogue cells. I was at least to be saved these traumas.
Modern medical science had no answers, I’m on my own to deal with a future the professionals regard as certain, terminal.
But I was not alone; I drew a deep breath and whispered a prayer. Calmness swiftly enveloped my whole being; my mind stopped its chatter, instantly. I turned to see my loving partner of seven years holding back tears as we shared a firm clasp of each other’s hand. Our minds one, she saw my smile and drew strength from the steadfast faith we share.
I had to ask, “What time do I have?” The doctor’s expectations held no guarantees beyond three months. “What about eighteen months?” I asked. The slow shaking of his head was enough; ok, I’ve got he picture.
I found the first lump inside my collarbone. I knew the lymphatic system probably had more like it after a friend showed me her frozen pea sized lumps in the same place just months before she died of breast cancer.
I thought I had it beaten, a cancer survivor. I was sure years of windsurfing without sunglasses was the cause. But now the biopsy confirmed the choroidal melanoma from my right eye was moving through my body as secondary cancer, seven years after the eye was removed.
The pathologist’s reaction stuck in my mind “Seven years clear? That’s remarkable!” But they have been seven remarkable years, full of memorable experiences as my body fought to hold back the aggressive cancer.
I count my blessings, there’s no pain, no tumours in the brain or the bones. At 55 years I enjoy a loving relationship and a hectic working day. I have led a full and energetic life, kept fit and healthy, yeah right, and our adult family lead their own fulfilling lives.
Breaking the news to friends I want them to see the reality, I am positive, strong and calm. Not suppressing anything, I’m dealing with the issues and living life in each moment, thankful for the beauty and love all around me.
I am especially grateful for the wonderful support of the highly experienced nurses at Waipuna Hospice who regularly phone and call in to see us.
I’m asked how I can take this so well. I’m sure it’s strength of character and discipline entwined with the truths of spiritual understanding. My belief recognises in each of us the beauty of a spiritual being, cloaked in a human body and here for a worldly experience.
As I face this challenge my spirit is supremely strong, but my body may be ending its time here. ‘May be’ because this is in Divine timing, not for me to determine; my task is to look after my body, the temple of my soul.
I believe our spirit comes here to learn and mature. Born into a human body we are given free-will, the ability to choose to achieve, or not, through life-lessons. When we give, from a loving heart, so much comes back and we may rightly feel we are in heaven. When, through fear, we take and make wrong choices life gets darker, impossibly difficult, lonely, financially ruinous and, ultimately, guilt ridden we writhe in a living hell.
I’ve seen both sides; I ‘woke-up’ only nine years ago, after a marriage break-up. Being told back then to ‘get your affairs in order’ would have sent me into the black hole of depression and the downward mental and physical spiral.
While I’m not deeply religious, it is the spiritual truths taught through most beliefs that have shown me the way to this inner peace and strength. Inspired by the words of Jesus I later studied the extensive and deeply spiritual works entitled ‘A Course in Miracles’. The Course has a beauty that is ‘out of this world’ and becomes a life changing experience for its students.
I now better understand my true Self after the steepest personal learning curve. I measure my growth by personal interaction every day, trying to slow the accelerating pace of our hectic worldly existence. Growth and understanding demands commitment and strong self discipline, but the rewards are awesome.
Understanding my true Self reveals my purpose, the essence of a spirit filled life. It is a purpose I have a limited time to share and helps me face this hurdle.
Why does it take this shock news to awaken me to my life’s purpose? Why indeed, it seems I still have a lot to learn. Perhaps next time round? After all, if, as a spiritual being having a human experience, my body cloak has reached its ‘Use By’ date, then surely my eternal spirit will be back soon to pursue its ongoing growth.
